What Are You Waiting On?

I once met with a woman whose husband had been unfaithful to her. She came to me because she was having trouble moving forward from the hurt and anger. When I suggested some steps of forgiveness, she hesitated and then admitted it would be difficult because he had not apologized or expressed remorse in a way that she felt was sincere and truly repentant.

I felt prompted to ask, “What if he never does? What does your life look like then?”

The question took her aback. And then a realization came to her – she had made her healing dependent on his response. He owed her something and she was waiting for him to pay.

What are you waiting on in order to get on with your life?

If our hearts were accounting ledgers there would be red ink next to the names of those who hurt us. The pain they caused cost us something. But the fact is, the people who owe us can’t pay us back. Even if they tried. There’s no way a person can pay fully for past pain. They can’t repair a soul. That is the work of God.

So, we are left with a choice.

We can be held hostage by the pain, letting it color every situation and, in some cases, even define us, as we review the debts, replay the hurt, and keep a tally of what is owed.

Or we can choose to let God settle their account. Kelly Troia, the founder of Heart to Heart Personal Prayer Ministry, teaches that forgiveness is not a feeling – it’s a transaction with Jesus in which we allow HIM to pay what is legitimately owed us. Isn’t it interesting that when Jesus taught on forgiveness in Matthew 18, he illustrated the principle with a financial scenario about debts and repayment?

And a prison.

In the parable, the one who refused to forgive a debt was turned over to the jailers. Some translations say turned over to the tormentors. Either is an apt description of a heart stuck in collection mode, demanding payment, refusing to budge, tightening its grip on the notion of justice.

Jail and torment.

If you’re ready to get on with your life, try doing business with Jesus.

First, take a moment to connect with Jesus - breathe deeply and lean into the truth that he is always right there with you.

Second, ask Jesus to walk you through the hurt and help you make a list of what is owed you, whether real or simply perceived. Review with him what happened, along with all the thoughts and feelings that came as a result.

Third, with intention, choose to accept His work on the cross as payment. You might ask him for a picture of a container or place in which you can visualize putting the debts as you forgive them. Release the person from both the debt they owe and from your judgement. Entrust them to the One Just Judge.

Let a couple of thoughts settle:

“They don’t owe me anymore.”

“I look to Jesus alone to repair and repay - He is the only One who can and who will.”

Finally, ask the Lord, “What do you have for me in exchange for that debt?”

I’ve never known anyone who didn’t get an upgrade in the deal. I like to say that Jesus always trades up! When we give up our right to collect and invite HIM to pay us back, it always improves our inner landscape. He will reveal to you through words, thoughts, and images what your life can look like now.